well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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