dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
