They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
