I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
