it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
