the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
