You smell like stripper and shame
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
