it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
