it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
