He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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