Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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