Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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