Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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