My entire life is one complicated drinking game
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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