It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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