ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
