i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
