On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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