He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
