You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
