I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
