new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
