Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize