if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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