There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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