even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
