In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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