Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
