That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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