Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I could make wine with my vomit
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
