Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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