i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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