Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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