I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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