dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
