wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize