call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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