Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
