He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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