I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
