It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
