he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
