Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
