Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
