Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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