I am spending my child support on dildos
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
