He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
