everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
