We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
