Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
