Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They have beer where we have blood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
