check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
