I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
