I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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