i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
