wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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