we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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