i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You ruined the universe
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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