pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
