she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
