ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
