erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
