I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
