Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
