dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
