after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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