I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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