Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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